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None of us like situations that make us feel insecure. We are all afraid of the unknown. We like to feel in control of a situation. Then we hear those words - "Mum, Dad, I'm GAY!"


Information: Support: Understanding

Your daughter or son may have just told you that she / he is lesbian, gay or bisexual. You might have been wondering about their sexuality for a while, or the announcement might have come as a bolt out of the blue. Perhaps they have yet to ‘come out’ but somehow you know that they are gay and want to offer your support.

Whatever the reasons are that have bought you to this page, you are probably looking for information, support or understanding - and possibly all three.

Most parents assume that their children will grow up to be heterosexual. They won’t have thought that one day they would hear the words ‘ Mum. Dad. I’ve got something to tell you. I’m gay!’

Even if you are absolutely fine with your child being lesbian, gay or bisexual, you probably have questions and perhaps concerns. Do look through FFLAG’s booklet (in our downlad section) ‘A Guide for Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays’.

If you are finding it difficult to adjust to the idea that your daughter or son is lesbian, gay or bisexual, FFLAG can support you. Again you will find ‘A Guide for Family and Friends’ helpful - particularly realising that some of your feelings and reactions are similar to those of other parents.

However, we know that each family situation is different so please get in touch with us if you want to talk through what is going on for you. Call us on 0845 652 0311 or email info@fflag.org.uk. Your call / email will be answered in confidence by a parent volunteer who has them self got a lesbian, gay or bisexual daughter or son

FFLAG’s booklet ‘A Guide for Family and Friends’ can be downloaded in our downlad section.   

Remember

Remember that your child's world has been turned upside down as well as yours. Just think how much courage it took him or her to tell you. Remember that by telling you it means that she or he trusts you. They love you. It is a compliment. Remember that they will feel better now because they no longer have to live a lie and pretend.

Remember that throughout life things change, nothing stays the same. Change helps us to develop and grow into more understanding, tolerant, caring and compassionate human beings. We cannot stop our children developing and being independent. We cannot choose their friends or their sexuality.

Remember that just because their sexual preference is different from yours doesn't mean it's wrong. Your child may have spent years in isolation before they came out to you. Think how lonely and frightened they must have been.

Remember the most important thing is to continue to love and protect your children. You must educate yourselves about homosexuality, because up to this point you have probably only seen negative representations in the media etc. You must now learn to separate the myths and stereotypes from the reality.

Remember that we are all individuals and need to be accepted as such, but it all takes time; don't be too hard on yourself or your child.

Remember the help-lines and support groups are there to help you through this time of adjustment, learning and acceptance, because if you don't accept your children, you will lose them.

FFLAG is a national organisation of parents of lesbian daughters and gay sons which seeks to promote the well-being of lesbian, gay and bisexual people, their families and friends by:

Support, through confidential helplines and parents' groups
Education and information
Working locally, nationally and in Europe on issues of equality for lesbian, gay and bisexual people
FFLAG supports families and works constructively to combat prejudice and discrimination and help to create a society that is respectful of human diversity 

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