Coming Out

What is coming out?

Coming out is different for everyone. Whether that be telling your teacher, friend, family, or telling the world.. whatever it means to you, most of us can agree it can be one the scariest part of our journey.

The second thing most of us can agree on is that “coming out” is not a one time deal! With us being social beings we encounter many people in different situations and when the time comes to talking about the elephant in the room, all those feeling from before may come flooding back and here you are, stepping out that closet again!

Why come out?

Coming out can be a scary and even lonely times. It can bring up many emotions including the worry of rejection from people close to us.

Once you make that leap it can often feel like a weight has been lifted from you,

Being able to live open and honestly. Unfortunately it does not come with out it risks, Such as not going as you expected. This is why it is important you have a “back up plan” should this happen. This could include having a support network of friends and professionals and having access to safe spaces.

How do you know you are ready to come out?

Coming out will be easier for some than others, and often the person putting the most pressure to come out, is yourself. You may of been building up the courage for weeks, months, years, or have been “outed” by someone else.  Saying this, some people find coming out as easy as telling someone they have a new car, and others never “come out” and this is completely ok!

One thing for sure is no-one will know you are ready to come out but you!

When you feel you are ready there are some things to consider. Most importantly, is it safe, What could be the response you receive, and have you somewhere safe to go should it not be the reaction you expected. Do you have a good support system of friends and/or professionals around you.

How to come out


This is YOUR Journey, and it should always be your choice who and when to tell people. Unfortunately this is not always the case, and sometimes someone has shared this information with others before you get the chance too and this can feel like a violation of your privacy.  

There are many ways people chose to come out from having that anxious conversation with a loved one or writing it in a letter or using social media. If you chose to use Social media to tell (your) world who you are, just acknowledging that social media can travel wide and fast without our control.

Whatever way you chose, pick safely.


Important things ask yourself when coming out


  • Is it safe to?
  • Is the timing right for me?
  • Who is my safe person?
  • Have I got somewhere to stay if needed?
  • Have I got support numbers on my phone?
  • What could be the responses?
  • What method of coming out is best for you?
  • What helps me feel better?
  • What could be the outcome best outcome?
  • What could be the worst outcome?

Why am I coming out?

Coming out is a bit like preparing for a bungee jump - some people hang on to the edge too scared to jump, but they know inside that they want to. Some people are forced to, because everybody knows. Some people just go for it. Once you have jumped there's no going back!

Some pros & cons of 'coming out'

  • You can be honest about yourself.
  • You realise who your real friends are.
  • You can be more open and relaxed.
  • You can surround yourself with people you can be 'real' with.
  • Losing certain friends who have a problem with your sexuality.
  • Bad reactions from family members.
  • Some people close to you might find it difficult.

How do I tell my parents about me?

There is no single, sure-fire way of telling your parents that you are Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual. Just as no two families are exactly the same, so the method, even the words, will vary from one family to the next. Many reactions are common to all families, and knowing this, it is often possible to work out the best method for your family.

Very few parents imagine that their children could possibly be Lesbian or Gay. Even those who may have had suspicions may still feel shocked, sad or angry when confronted with the fact. Try to understand this. You have had, perhaps, several years to gradually come to terms with the fact that you are Lesbian or Gay. Your parents, when you tell them, will maybe have had no time at all. Do you want to tell both your parents at this stage, or only one? Most of us find it easier to talk to one parent than the other when something is bothering us. Is there a relative or family friend it would be better to talk to first, either for advice about how to tell your parents, or for help in telling them?

Choose your moment. All families have times that are right for talking and these are usually better than trying to create a moment. Sometimes events make this choice for you. When something is on your mind, it can build up to such a point that it simply spills out. Let it happen. Your subconscious mind often knows best about these things. Also, be prepared for one of your parents making the first approach. They may have found something that alarms them, or feel that you have something on your mind. You will be caught off guard and feel trapped. Admit that you are lesbian/gay or bisexual and say you would like to talk about it. That is enough to start with. People want to tell their parents that they are lesbian, gay or bisexual for many reasons, but mostly these are to do with honesty and love.

Would you like to join the youth support group?

There is a range of groups and support options to consider, we look forward to hearing from you!

Read More Read more about support groups

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