Emily's Story

Heya! I'm Emily, or Radzy, whichever is easier to say, and I recently joined 2BU and it was the best decision I probably have ever made. Needless to say, it's hard coming out. Perhaps more to yourself but at least then it's only you that knows, it's when other people start to find out that it begins to get messy. When I first had ideas that I liked both sexes, I was still in a very prudent area of America. My town wasn't as bad as some, but my father was extremely homophobic and so I had to keep it to myself and not let anyone find out... Even though technically, looking back on it, I did have the equivalent of girlfriends but we wouldn't say that that's how it was.
I felt safe in that world. I could think things and nobody would know, it was like that for another 5 years before anyone did know, and even then I regretted it. By that point, I had moved to England and my parents (mom and step-dad) were extremely supportive of everything I did and said I wanted to do. They weren't expecting me to think I had bisexual tendencies, but I guess how they found out was quite sad for most parties involved. The safety net had continued but I felt cocky, and told the person who I thought was my best friend. She freaked out and told everyone I had come onto her and absolute rubbish like that. Everyone knew, and I hadn't wanted them to know. My parents found out when they were called into school and told I was causing trouble... Yeah, that's right, my teachers thought I was lying and just trying to be an attention seeker. My world came crashing down around me, and I couldn't crawl out of the rubble. I understand now that she didn't know how to take it, but as a result I had to miss nearly four months of school -- otherwise I would have had the snot beaten out of me or I just would have wished they had and then left me alone. People say that they will support people, but when the situation arises they don't care who or what you are, you're different and they will make you feel different if you let them.
The only good thing that came out of that situation was I met someone who was willing to talk to me and listen to what I had to say. Nobody else was willing to listen, or at least stop talking long enough for me to at least say one or two words. It was enough to help me out of the hole that I felt I had fallen into, and from then on I didn't care what anyone thought of me... If they didn't like me for something as silly as that, then it is their problem. As I said, coming out is hard but it's a hell of a lot easier if you are allowed to do it on your own terms. Nobody should be allowed to take over that, as it's a learning experience and you can form a safety net of people who you can trust. Maybe in ways me being the circus freak was ok as in I didn't have to tell people, but nobody wants to be kicked in the face because they're bi, just in order to not have to tell people... It's a rough world out there kids, but chances are those who are horrible to you will get the tables turned on them.
Against my will, I'm openly bi now as far as in England and people have told me I'll swerve one way or the other eventually. I hope not, I don't look at genders, I look at the person, and that's how it should be. If I were to ever be just straight or just gay, I would probably not be like that for long. You should be who you want to be, and nobody else's opinion should come into it. That counts for everything, sexuality to job choice, you are your own person, live your own life. Don't hide in the shadows because you're scared, that will make it harder on you because you won't have that support... Even if only one person knows, it makes life easier.
There is no reason why someone should make you feel subhuman or as if you're not normal. You are your own person and if you're willing to accept yourself then who cares about the ones who are scared of what they could be?
Turns out that girl might be a lesbian now. Weird, huh?
Of course there will always be good and bad times, I still have days where I question myself or feel disgusted in myself, it comes with life. If the human race accepted themselves, we wouldn't be human. 
That's why I love 2BU, it helps me to over-ride those bad thoughts and teaches me that there are others around who feel the same and are the same as I am. Even if you're out or not, I would strongly recommend 2bu as a way to meet other people who you can talk to and just a way to learn more about yourself. 
Just give it a go!

Em. x

Emily's Story

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